


Tortures

by violet_quill



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Phantom of the Opera - Lloyd Webber
Genre: Community: ithurtsmybrain, Crossover, F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-24
Updated: 2010-11-24
Packaged: 2017-10-13 08:38:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/135306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violet_quill/pseuds/violet_quill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dagon tells Crowley about a particular soul that he harvested.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tortures

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2005 for the random crossover pairing generator community ithurtsmybrain.

Crowley pulled a cigarette from behind his ear. "Got a light?" he asked.

Dagon, Lord of the Files, Master of Madness, Under-Duke of the Seventh Torment, held out his hand. "Always," he said.

The end of the cigarette flared to life with a quick sweep of his fingers in the air above it. "You probably shouldn't do that in the middle of the park," Crowley commented, then took a drag and blew a perfect ring of smoke above the trashcan next to their bench. "Someone might see."

Dagon snorted. "They see nothing. What is right in front of their faces, they do not see. Silly mortals, puttering around in their clunky bodies, going about their useless lives day after day."

"I suppose I've grown somewhat accustomed to the clunky body myself," Crowley admitted.

"I don't know how you do it. It's been over a century since I've walked around like this. I find it... unsettling." Dagon crossed his ankles, then uncrossed them, then folded his hands in his lap. "I don't care for limitations."

"I doubt the patrons of this park would care for you spouting fire at them."

"Not if they weren't alive long enough to think about it."

Crowley grinned. "So, tell me about the last time you graced the earth with your charming presence."

"I decided to retrieve a soul personally."

The other demon lifted an eyebrow. "That's unusual. Generally temptation is my line of work."

"You were sleeping, and I took an interest in the case."

"Oh, right." Crowley nodded. "I did take some time off. Do continue. Was it a worthy soul?"

"Not particularly. An opera singer. A very _bad_ one, mind you. But all she wanted was fame, to be worshipped as a goddess among mortals for a gift she did not possess – she was willing to do anything for it, so I let her."

"You gave her talent for her soul?"

Dagon snorted again, lifting Crowley's cigarette from his lips and taking a drag himself. "No, I just blinded everyone else to her failure. She still sang just as badly as she ever did, and no one ever realized it. She had a very promising career."

"And now she rots in the seventh torment?"

"Well, there was a minor setback. Another girl, and this angel – "

Crowley coughed. "Er, angel? Azira – what angel?"

"Not a real one, turns out it was just another stupid mortal masquerading as a higher power. But he managed to push another girl in front of _my_ Carlotta..."

" _Your_ Carlotta?"

"You don't think I'd go to all the trouble of sealing a soul pact personally, and not sleep with her?" Dagon smirked. "There is _one_ thing that these clunky bodies are good for."

"So what happened with Carlotta?" Crowley asked, flicking the cigarette to the ground and crushing it into the pavement with the toe of his shoe.

"Oh, she demanded retribution, said the contract was void since she was no longer the most revered in the opera world. Didn't even want her _soul_ back, just wanted to be famous again."

"So what did you do?"

Dagon shrugged. "Well, first I slept with her again. Then I – "

"Had your first moment of compassion in several millennia and set her up as a famous stage actress?"

" _No_. What do you take me for, Crowley? I slept with her again, then I told her tough luck, them's the breaks, and went back to Hell to wait for her soul to arrive."

"And did it?"

"Of course. Ten years later after she was mauled to death by a rabid raccoon."

"So she's still there? In the seventh torment with you?"

"Yeah." Dagon looked out at the park and smiled. "I make her sing for the souls being tortured."


End file.
